Wednesday, January 2, 2008

Dogs and Taxes

There are few things I enjoy more than when my co-host on John and Dave's Pop Culture America, heard every Saturday (for 90 minutes!) at 12 noon Eastern on, writes a blog entry rather than cutting and pasting things readily available elsewhere on the interweb-a-ma-jig.

First off, they're always amusingly spelled.

Second, Davey gives vent to his spleen more than I do. I might go off about reality TV or Fred Claus or some other hunk of steaming offal I can't stand, but Dave will take the truly controversial stances. As exhibit A, I give you his most recent post where he dares to stand firmly in favor of Michael Vick and dog abuse. Just look a little down this page and you can enjoy it for yourself.

If I understand his point -- and I'm not claiming that I do -- it basically goes like this: People often die. People are better than dogs. Therefore, abusing dogs is fine.

Now, I don't know nuthin' bout nuthin'. I'm just an old backwoods country lawyer who don't take to all that fancy highfalutin' smarty pants talk. But my dear ol' Nana once said to me, "Johnny," she said, "Jes cuz someone else dun somethin' worse don't make what you dun good." See, I stole a couple apples from Ol' Man McGillicuddy's orchard an' I tried to get away with it by pointin' out that Jeff Mercer had stole a whole bushel. But just because I didn't steal as many as Jeff, that didn't make my stealing any less of a sin. And I got the whuppin' to prove it.

No one in their right mind equates Michael Vick with the monsters ethnically cleansing (LOVE that euphemism) Darfur. But just because Hitler existed in the world does not make it okay to kill 2 million jews. "But gosh," that fellow might say, "Sure I killed 2 million Jews, but lighten up. It's not like I'm as bad as Hitler."

Michael Vick is getting the legal punishment his crime merits. He'll be in jail for ... Oh, I don't feel like looking it up. I think it's 18 months. Something like that. Good.

More to the point, his professional career is over. And it should be.

In Fight Club (one of my favorite movies -- see list to the right), Helena Bonham Carter storms out on Edward Norton with a fistful of his cash. As she's leaving, she waves it at him and informs him that she's keeping it as "A$$hole Tax!"

Michael Vick had the world by the short curly ones. Money, fame, prestige, the whole shootin' match. And he squandered it. His professional downfall may be (slightly) out of proportion with his actual crime, but the fact that he's paying a hefty A$$hole Tax doesn't bother me in the least.

As for leaving dogs under the tree as Christmas presents, I'm with Deutsch on this. If you want a dog, instead of doing something cutesy-poo with a ribbon and a bow, haul your butt down to your local animal shelter or humane society and adopt. Dogs might not be people, but they're also not iPods or neckties.

1 comment:

The Time Travelers said...

I found this on the web.. Dogpile Top Dog Searches in 2007 include:

-- Pet food recall

-- Michael Vick dogfight scandal

-- Trouble Helmsley $12 million dollar inheritance

-- Ellen Degeneres' dog rescue battle

-- Dog the Bounty Hunter

-- The Westminster Dog Show

-- Tyson, the infamous skateboarding Bulldog

Dogpile is a leading Internet metasearch engine combining the top results from the most popular search engines to deliver the most relevant results and information on the Web. Based on its ease-of-use and functionality, Dogpile was recently ranked highest in customer satisfaction among search engines for the second consecutive year, according to the J.D. Power and Associates 2007 Residential Online Service Customer Satisfaction Study.
This is the Year of the Dog- Do I think Michael Vick is Hitler.. No, But he's being treated like Hitler.. so much so, That he Thanks God for his coming to the White side.. Amen.. Vick has seen the light.. Live on, John

John and Dave talks Oscar nomination predictions